Last Friday night, December 16, 2011 at 6:15 PM a timid knock on my door changed my life forever.One October day in 2002, a phone call did too.
I was working at the police department, over 9 years ago, when I received a call from a mildly hysterical woman complaining about a wild animal on her porch. It was late at night, cold, rainy, and she was so upset over this beast on her porch that I called the Animal Control Officer out to try to catch it.
Shortly after the ACO's arrival, and retrieval of the frightening wild animal, he showed up at the police department holding about a 4 week old, half starved, soaking wet kitten and said "I guess I will be taking this to the pound..." I said "oh give me the thing" and I kept it in my lap for the rest of the night. The ACO's strategy had worked...
When I got off work I took the kitten home, and tossed it in bed with Haley who was sound asleep. Haley opened his eyes grabbed the kitten and said "Mew". He had always wanted to name a kitten "Mew" and it stuck.
Mew was so sickly that he needed to be bathed almost daily. His digestion system was a bit, um, faulty, but it didn't stop us from loving him. Mew started slowly growing stronger and was turning into a beautiful kitty with a personality like no other.
Near Halloween we had planned a weekend camping trip to Salem Massachusetts and while we usually left the cats at home to fend for themselves, we didn't have the heart to part with tiny and sickly Mew- so along he went. We set up a litter box etc in the camper Haley and his friend Justin were staying in and Mew spent the weekend camping at the beach with the rest of us. As it would turn out, the next year, even though Mew was an adult and healthy, we still brought him with us for old times sake.
Mew- we called him the gay cat because he was so extraordinarily handsome and meticulous. He had the softest most perfect fur, Jack Sparrow eye liner and he purred constantly. I would try to tell people stories about his perfection and personality and they found my tales far fetched- until they actually met him. Haley and I used to joke that Mew should have been the cat on the Fancy Feast commercials and that we were afraid he would be kidnapped by the Fancy Feast people... Mew loved everyone- he slept on my pillow, or my face, whichever- he would nibble on my nose or my eye lid when I was in REM sleep, just so I know he was there. I never went to bed without be joined by Mew. On Thursday 12/15/11, I went to bed, Sid was in his space next to me and I stuck my hand under my pillow and there was Mew. He just stayed there and let me fall asleep on him- that was his way. Docile and unconcerned with just about everything.
Mew wasn't perfect though- at some point he had developed an affinity for sneaking outside and when he did there was no catching him. Haley described it as "getting the wild in him" and no matter how careful we were, or how stressed we became when he escaped, he managed to do it with some frequency. I can't begin to count the amount of times I stood outside at night yelling "MOOOOO" and how many times I hugged him gratefully when he'd come home, and I'd beg him not to do it again..
Not only were Mew's escapades to the great outdoors dangerous for him, but his faulty digestive system had never completely healed and often when he returned he would be sickly from getting into something that he shouldn't have. While he wanted to eat anything anyone else was eating I had to be careful not to let him or I would pay the price with a stinky trail of liquified fecal deposits that didn't quite make it to the litter box... but that's the epitome of how much I loved Mew- how special he was, he was worth it even when it meant cleaning up after him.
Over the last few months Mews intestinal problem seemed to be getting worse. He had foul smelling gas and I was concerned that maybe he wasn't feeling good. Twice he had been so bad off that I had to lock him in the bathtub (I didn't have a better place and it is enclosed with doors) to let him get out of his system what ever had gotten in there- I didn't like it- but it was necessary. After a few days he would be back to normal and I would be swatting him off of my face while I tried to sleep or trying to keep him away from the milk in the bottom of my cereal bowl.
This December, Haley, Casey, Audrey and I had planned a weekend get away to Santa's Village over Casey's birthday. We were all looking so forward to it- we needed the vacation and the excitement of an adventure and we were counting down the days. In fact we were so excited about it that at the last minute we decided to leave Friday night instead of Saturday morning which meant that I had a ton of last minutes errands to run all day Friday. I was making good progress, trying to get the trash out and head to the dump, when Mew ran out the front door. I saw him dash past the satellite dish and then he was out of sight.
I continued with my rush to get my to do list finished and was just getting ready to jump in the shower when a timid knock came from the door. I had already dropped Sid at the kennel or no one could have even made it to the door, so I was a little leery of who was out there. I peeked out the window and saw two girls, figuring they were selling something I decided to answer...
One of the girls was visibly upset, the other was less and asked "is this your cat?" with that the upset girl turned toward me and was holding Mew. She was crying and apologizing and I kept telling her it wasn't her fault, that he was not supposed to be outside... I don't know how many time I repeated that- a dozen, a hundred- it's all a blur. The other girl told me that she did not think Mew was "still with us" and I thought she meant conscious- I was holding him and I never thought that he wasn't alive. The crying girl said he had run out in front of her, she didn't know what she had hit and stopped to see. Apparently her reaction caused a neighbor to come out and recognize Mew and together they brought him home to me. I thanked them extensively for that then I started to cry. The girl who had hit him was breaking down and they both left, I came inside wondering how I was going to find a vet so late on Friday night and what Mews injuries were going to do to our trip.
It was in a blink of an eye that I felt him die. He hadn't regained consciousness, he didn't move, I just felt his soul leave him. Instantly I knew that he had held on with all of his might to be able to die in my arms. I completely broke down in hysteria and put him on the chaise in my living room and knelt beside him screaming that he couldn't go- that he wasn't allowed outside, and that I would miss him for the rest of my life. I called Haley who came right over and I cried like I haven't in years, that gasping for air, tears flooding my face, unable to even speak sort of crying that comes from the deepest part of my whole body- I shook in disbelief and I held Mew until I was so sure that he wasn't coming back to me.
After some time had passed I clipped some of Mews fur to remember him by (and for when cloning becomes affordable) and Haley took Mew to his house until we can properly bury him. It occurred to me that I was not going to be strong enough to make it through the weekend festivities, then it occurred to me that I HAD TO and I crawled (literally) up the stairs and to the shower barely able to support myself with the weight of my devastation pressing down on me.
I tried so hard to be brave for the trip but I cried most all the way to New Hampshire. I relived that knock at my door all through the night and I cried under my pillow for hours. When I felt myself becoming inconsolable I went in the bathroom so I didn't upset the rest of my family, or I went for a walk around the hotel lobby but internally I didn't have a moments peace.
We did have a good time on our trip, I am proud of myself for not bailing out of it under the circumstances. I had moments where I was able to laugh and enjoy myself and I think I kept it together enough for the rest of the family to have a good time and Casey to have a nice 25th birthday but I ached so bad inside that at times I felt like I could not even breathe. Every now and again I would accidentally say out loud that "Mew is gone" and I would start to cry.
Originally we had planned to come home late Sunday and I would pick up Sid on Monday but as it was we came home early enough for me to pick up Sid Sunday night. I was dreading the loneliness of not having Mew and it would have been unbearable not to have Sid with me either. But even with Sid with me, I stalled coming home. I just could not bring myself to put one foot in front of the other to get into my own house. I thought about all of the white cat hair that I was constantly having to vacuum up, the putrid litter box and the annoyance of Mew racing me to the cat food cabinet and I longed for all those things. I must have driven around for about 2 hours before forcing myself to just come home.
Mew is gone forever and I really will miss him for the rest of my life. Few cats have had that affect on me but Mew- he was indescribably unique. Special doesn't describe him. I have pictures of Haley handcuffing him- I used to be able to roll him over on his back and vacuum his belly fur, he came when I called him, we dressed him and he didn't care and he loved me as much as I loved him.
I have tried to console myself by thinking that maybe Mew knew he was sick after so many recent bouts of intestinal problems. I have tried to think that maybe he was running off to die rather than to suffer. I have searched for verification of these occurrences and found some hearsay documentation- it brings me a little comfort to think this may be the case and I don't want to be told different. I don't want to think that Mew only lived a portion of his intended life. I want, I NEED, to believe that December 16, 2011 @ 6:15PM was his time to leave me and that he is where he is meant to be.
Everyone misses you Mew. Audrey does. Sid does. They know. I know too. I feel you still jumping into bed with me and I have instinctively reached for you. I'll miss you my whole life, you were, and always will be, the best.
