In My Dream....

In my dream I was just about to text someone "I miss you". I was aware that it wasn't being sent to a friend or someone in my family for I would not think twice about sending them a message like that, this was going to someone who held a different place of my heart.

In my dream I hesitated for a moment, wondering if it was too soon, too forward, too much. How would "I miss you" be interrupted? Humbly, possessively, awkwardly, comically? Or would it be received in the way it was intended, heartfelt, appreciated and even grateful.

In my dream I was sitting on a ledge overlooking a rocky shore and the ocean. I had Audrey with me and we were watching the many other people there. Some were families, some were couples, some were alone. I felt sorry for the lonely ones, and I remembered the pain of when I was one of them.

In my dream some couples were sitting just off shore, on rocks that jutted from the water and from my vantage point I could see dolphins swimming around them but the couples were oblivious. They had all they needed a top the rocks of which they sat, just as it should be.

In my dream I knew that I had someone, he just wasn't with me at the moment and that's why I wanted to text him "I miss you". My heart wasn't sad that we weren't together, it was grateful that I had someone to be able to miss.

In my dream I remembered him. I remembered that earlier he had his arm around me and he gave me a gift that even once I had opened it, I didn't know what it was. He then showed me it was a tiny video player with tiny tapes that he had recorded our special moments on so that I could watch them over and over again.

In my dream I could still smell him next to me. I could feel him smiling at me and as I sat there at the beach with Audrey I just wanted him to know, without hesitation, without any doubt, I needed to tell him, "I miss you"

In my dream, no, it was when I woke up, I realized that I had been dreaming. My first conscious thought was to keep my eyes closed, to be back on the beach, to have someone that I could text "I miss you" but no matter how much I tried, I was awake and I was alone.

In my awake time I was lonely. I could for a fleeting moment still smell him, I could still see him smiling and I still held the gift of our memories but it lasted only as long as the dream had. The rest of the day I spent knowing that really, I had no one to text "I miss you".

In my awake time I brought that longing with me. My dream was many hours ago but I carry the sorrow of waking with me still. My heart is heavy when I ask myself why in all of the vastness of this world is there not one single person I could text "I miss you" and have him be grateful for it.

In my awake time I look forward to my sleep. I beg the dream to return where I have someone who so greatly touches my heart that I feel so sure that when I text "I miss you" that soon I will hear back, "I miss you, too"