This morning I was barely through my first pot of coffee when my daughter-in-law, Casey, came in the house looking for my car keys. I nodded in the general direction of where I thought they were and she went out and moved my car across the street so my son could plow my driveway. He had worked all night, come home and put the plow on his truck and then came to my house to plow. I could have waited until he had a day off, but he couldn't.
My son Haley. He will be 25 next month. He is a good man, a good husband, a good daddy, and good at his job. He is also, and always has been, a good son.
The first 2 1/2 years of Haley's life his dad was in the picture, and for the last 7 Casey has been, but the 15 1/2 in between were just him and me. We were best friends and boy the adventures we did have! .
I have lost track of the number of states Haley and I have traveled to, 40 maybe? Usually just him and I in our mini van and towing our camper we have been coast to coast and up and down the entire country. Stuff like that was important to me. Of course sometimes we just went 30 minutes away from home to a camp ground for a weekend, but sometimes like the summer of 1997, we traveled much, much longer.
Haley turned 11 in 1997 and that was also the year I had decided to leave Texas and move back to Maine. Haley and I had vacationed here during the summer, but he had never really been exposed to snow. Sure one time at Six Flags Dallas during the winter they had some fake snow, but it was so damn cold there (and as Texans we were unprepared for it) that we spent most of our day in the bathroom trying to thaw our feet under the hand dryers! Still, Haley was very excited over the prospect of our first winter in Maine. Heavy coats and snowman building and shoveling were all new to him, and all fun.
I started working nights in Skowhegan in September, we closed on our house in Albion in October and in November we had snow. I guess all of my years in Texas had left me a bit unprepared for the white stuff, I bought a shovel but that was it for our first winter. Remember though, I said snow was new and fun for Haley? Our first winter in Maine (and many, many after) he would get up early for school and shovel the driveway so I could get the car in when I came home from work. When he figured out it wasn't actually fun we were able to buy a snowblower, not very often did I have a problem getting in or out of the driveway as he was proud to take care of it for me.
I have made many sacrifices for Haley but I hate to call them that. I learned early on that he was my only legacy. That nothing else that I ever did with my life would top what I could do for his. No matter what. In return, Haley has always been the dutiful son. Throughout his life he has taught me much. He has taken care of me in my darkest moments. He made me grow up and be responsible. If not for him I would have been a wanderer, at best. Of course we have had issues, but none that ever broke our bond and even the bad times, I cherish.
Haley is all grown up now and he has a lot on his plate for his young age, certainly more than I did at pushing 25. He tells me though, that I made him what he is, and he thanks me often for always being there for him. I stood in the living room this morning with the drapes pushed back and watched him plowing the driveway in his massive truck with his wife and baby girl tagging along. That's what I watched, but what I saw was a boy of 11 shoveling at 7 AM so mom would be able to come home from work and then grinning from ear to ear when she was able to get the car in the driveway.
Releasing myself from being a full time mother is the hardest thing I have ever, or will ever do. To accept the idea that never again will Haley and I travel across the country on some great adventure or just spend the day on the couch watching "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" to this day puts a pressure on my heart that I can't even describe. What I can describe though is how incredibly proud I am of my son. He made an excellent choice marrying Casey and I am so fortunate that she is my best friend. I am lucky beyond words to be so close to both of them, and to share so much time and love and joy with my grand daughter.
I often have to remind myself that my little boy may no longer be, but my son still is, and that there are still many memories to be made. For that, no matter what, I am eternally grateful.
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